iDeemlawfulBehind closed doors, some Nigerian men endure violence, fear and forced silence within intimate relationships society assumes they dominate. This report, largely culled from THE PUNCH, probes the concealed reality of male survivors of domestic violence.
The stigma that keeps them quiet, and how cultural expectations, social shame and weak support systems mute their voices. It also explores how unresolved abuse can spiral into deadly outcomes, including incidents of androcide.
To outsiders meeting the Akinjides for the first time, they seemed like an average couple—one that had faced challenges but appeared to be coping.
Rotimi Akinjide, 39, an indigene of Ilesa in Osun State, was raised in Lagos and now works with a logistics firm in the city. His wife, Rebecca, is from Abeokuta in Ogun State and works as an administrative secretary at a company on Lagos Island.
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Most weekend evenings in the Akinjides’ modest bungalow on the Lagos mainland followed a predictable routine. Rotimi relaxed with friends watching football, the room echoing with cheers and commentary. Elsewhere, their two children, aged 10 and seven, focused on homework under Rebecca’s supervision.
From the outside, their home projected normal family life. But on a Saturday evening in July 2024, that appearance crumbled abruptly.
Two of Rotimi’s friends arrived to find an uneasy atmosphere. Neighbours stood at the compound entrance, visibly concerned. They soon learnt that Rotimi and Rebecca had just been involved in a violent confrontation so severe that neighbours intervened to pull them apart.
Inside, the house was in disarray. Furniture was overturned, framed pictures lay shattered, and broken glass littered the sitting room. In the kitchen, plates, cutlery and a pot of vegetable soup lay spilled among scattered rice, suggesting the clash began there before spreading.
An elderly couple in the area reportedly helped calm the pair, while another neighbour hurried the children away to protect them from the chaos.
‘My wife has been hitting me’
A week later, Rotimi opened up about what happened, revealing deeper issues long hidden beneath the surface.
He said the argument started over a WhatsApp post he made using Rebecca’s phone.
It was gathered that some of Rotimi’s relatives had complained that Rebecca rarely acknowledged her in-laws’ birthdays but expected her husband to celebrate hers. To counter the criticism, Rotimi posted a message and photo wishing his younger brother a happy 31st birthday on July 17.
“When Rebecca discovered it, she exploded. She burst in, demanding why I used her phone. I tried to explain, knowing her temper, but she insulted my family. I deleted the post, and she warned me never to repeat it.
“I kept quiet because I knew arguing would lead to violence. For years now, Rebecca has been hitting me without provocation,” Rotimi said, avoiding eye contact.
“It began with her locking away my clothes and grabbing my neck during arguments over money, food or the children. She behaved this way even before marriage, but I believed she would change. Instead, it worsened.
“She shouted, abused me and cursed me. Once, she insulted my parents and threatened to stab herself, saying I was ruining her life. After fights, she would come where I slept and hit me with objects or punch me. It sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.”
Rotimi admitted many doubted him because he is taller and seemingly stronger than his wife.
Yet he said Rebecca often displayed unusual strength when angry, striking him repeatedly.
This, he noted, frequently forced him to sleep elsewhere after disputes.
“She attacks me with objects while I’m asleep. I fear she could stab me someday. On the WhatsApp day, she unplugged the TV while I watched a programme.
“I tried to leave, as I usually do to avoid trouble, but she blocked the door. I sat down, then went to the kitchen for water. She followed, grabbed the glass and smashed it.
“That’s when I lost control. What if it had hit the children? She grabbed pots and hit me, pushing me against the wall. I escaped through the back door because I feared she might kill me.
“The worst part? When neighbours came, she cried and claimed I was beating her. Everyone believed her, ignoring my bruises,” he said.
Despite advice to separate, Rotimi stayed, citing his role as a Sunday school teacher and his standing in the community.
Battered by his ex-girlfriend
While Rotimi remained in an abusive marriage, 25-year-old Sola Alade shared a different ordeal—what he described as a “life-draining” relationship with his former girlfriend, Queen.
Alade said they began dating during his second year at the University of Ilorin. She later moved into his off-campus lodge. Initially, the relationship seemed perfect.
Over time, however, it deteriorated.
Now a Chemistry graduate, Alade said Queen became obsessively controlling, monitoring his calls, messages and social media activity.
“I traded crypto, so I was always online. She watched everyone I spoke to, insisted calls be on loudspeaker and accused me over any female contact.
“A female neighbour once came to charge her phone. Queen poured water on my bed, accusing me of sleeping with her,” he recalled.
After about a year, arguments escalated into physical abuse, including slapping and choking.
He became withdrawn and anxious, dreading her calls.
“I loved her, but she never trusted me. I reported it to our church shepherd, who said she was an emere and prayed. Nothing changed.
“One night, a strange number called me—it was just a friend. She beat me with a turning stick, calling me names. I smashed a bottle against the wall and injured myself out of exhaustion. She ran away, and that ended the relationship,” he said.
Though his injuries healed, the emotional impact lingered. Alade remained single until graduation and has since moved on.
Now studying in the UK, he said he is in a serious relationship and plans to marry in future.
Male survivors of domestic abuse
The stories of Rotimi and Alade highlight an often-ignored form of gender-based violence in Nigeria—men as victims.
The European Institute for Gender Equality notes that while women are disproportionately affected, gender-based violence is rooted in structural and social imbalances and remains a major human rights violation.
Experts acknowledge that men can be abused through hitting, kicking, biting, throwing objects or destroying property. Such cases challenge the narrative of men solely as perpetrators.
To offset physical differences, some female abusers attack men while they sleep, use weapons, threaten children or harm pets.
Abuse often escalates from verbal threats to physical harm.
“Men are often reluctant to report abuse because they feel embarrassed, fear disbelief, or worry about retaliation,” HelpGuide.org notes.
Beyond physical injuries, psychological damage is severe.
In the UK, the Office for National Statistics reported that 21.8 per cent of men in 2024–2025 had experienced domestic abuse, about 5.2 million men.
In the US, about one in four men experience physical partner violence, according to the CDC.
In Nigeria, data is limited due to stigma. A 2022 study found that 7.7 per cent of respondents were male survivors of intimate partner violence.
Similarly, the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Agency recorded 920 male GBV cases between November 2024 and November 2025.
“These figures show the need for sustained advocacy,” said the agency’s Executive Secretary, Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi.
Abuses escalating to androcide
Recent reports show cases where abuse ended in the killing of husbands.
In Okene, Kogi State, a woman, Favour Odoba, was accused of killing her husband, Momo Jamiu, allegedly over polygamy.
Confirming the case, police spokesman William Aya said investigations were ongoing.
In Ondo State, police arrested Augustina Mowari for allegedly killing her boyfriend after an argument over infidelity.
Another high-profile case was the 2017 killing of Bilyaminu Bello by his wife, Maryam Sanda, who was later sentenced to death, briefly pardoned, and then had the sentence reinstated by the Supreme Court.
Legal gaps
Checks showed Nigeria’s laws inadequately protect male victims. Not all states have adopted the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, leaving gaps in enforcement.
Male complainants often face ridicule or dismissal by authorities.
‘Taming’ an aggressive woman
Kola Fasaye recounted how stress during the COVID-19 pandemic led to his wife slapping him during arguments.
“But who could I tell?” he said, explaining societal pressure to endure.
How society, religion trap abused men
Psychologist Dayo Courson said men rarely speak out due to shame and stereotypes.
“Domestic violence is wrong, whether against men or women,” he said.
Men also need safety planning – Expert
Gender specialist Emilia Okon noted that violence is not gender-exclusive and stressed the role of social norms, power and control in abuse.
“Men need safe spaces to speak and seek help,” she said.